|poem:something cherished lost.
||[Dec. 3rd, 2006|04:01 pm]
They say its my fault|
What happened to me
Not the first time
The second time was different, obviously
I let her do it
I didn’t scream
I pretended to like it
So she would leave
I close my eyes and turned my head
I felt her move harder
I wanted to vomit
But I held it back instead.
“you let it happen, you stupid kid”
I guess they’re right
I let it happen to me
I didn’t fight, and I didn’t kick
I didn’t hit, I didn’t scream
But what the fuck do I know, anyway?
I’m only fourteen
I didn’t know it would go that far
And I didn’t know what to do
I just let myself go into a state of shock
and pretended I never knew.
I said goodbye to my virginity
After her phone rang
And I sat up, tears in my eyes, and buttoned my pants
I would never forget, her actions stained
“just forget it,” I told myself we walked out the door
but my friends pointed out the bruises on my neck
they laughed and made fun of me
they didn’t know what happened, they just laughed at what they could see.
That night, I remember crying myself to sleep
Never told my girlfriend anything
She’s be upset because I let it happen
It’s not rape if you don’t scream
So I live with myself everyday
Wishing I could take my life away
But I can’t because I promised her
I’d stay strong, and I’d stay for her
I need her and I’m pretty sure she needs me
I hate myself, but I don’t hate everything
I’m only fourteen, she was fifteen
She hurt me and took my last bit of innocence from me
She made me dirty, she smeared my purity clean
Gone with the rest of my confidence is me.